NOTE: The following was originally written around 2004, performed on live radio on KSCO AM1080, and posted online (at a now defunct site) shortly thereafter. I just stumbled across it today. It’s astonishingly prescient, and as such makes me look smarter than I probably am. Unfortunately, we seem to have done it to ourselves, and [...]
Entries Tagged as ‘spews’
January 2, 2009
My neighbors are moving.
I’m very disappointed to announce that my neighbors are moving. Not just one set of neighbors, mind you, but both neighbors. The folks on the left, and the folks on the right.
Now, contrary to what you might think, this really has nothing to do with my quality as a neighbor. In fact, I’ve been told [...]
April 11, 2008
Excess Chinese
I love all the cool stuff that comes with being in a First World country.
I love the big cars, the expensive but plentiful gas that goes in the big cars. I love the fatty foods, and the huge portions of fatty foods. Just the concept of leftovers is enough to make me smile.
And I love [...]
March 17, 2008
Snap Into A Slim Jim
Y’know, I’ve long held that people are idiots.
But that’s easy to say. What’s hard is finding a good tool for proving it.
One of the gauges with which I measure the idiocy of people is television. More so than movies, and more so than music. Eminem’s success notwithstanding.
Of course, there’s some movies on television. And some [...]
February 12, 2008
Skateboard Pants
Sometimes there’s no love lost between me and skateboarders.
Yeah, sure, already I hear the ludicrous freedom cry of “skateboarding is not a crime, yo”. But ya know what? I don’t hear the bicyclists, the tennis players and the golfers whining and moaning that they don’t get to practice their sports against the side of Civil War [...]
